Last week, I had the opportunity to speak to a group of women who are doing incredible things in their community in Kentucky. I talked about how to listen and stay present when hearing a story of trauma. Toward the end of my talk, a woman raised her hand. “I’m the HR manager at my company,” she said. “A co-worker told me that her supervisor raped her. I listened and I believed her. I asked what she wanted to have happen. I told her that I couldn’t give her confidentiality, but I tried to give her everything else she wanted. I provided her with resources for local services. I checked in with her again and again. But still, she spiraled downward. She got really depressed. She started missing work. She just seemed to slip away. What else could I have done?”
I wish I had the answer to that. I wish there were some book or phone number, some magic words that would fix that pain. I have nothing like that to give. Each survivor must walk her own path. All we can do is listen, support, and stay with them through it. Fortunately, though we may not see for a long time, that is exactly what they need. Our presence along that journey can make all the difference in the world.